My last post was my first one in a long time.  It wasn’t what I had planned on for my first post back, but I needed to vent about my stressful day.  And after dealing with another close call with Ben, I realized that I needed to make more of an effort to get back to what I love. I kept putting off my blog because I felt like I didn’t have the time to create the posts I wanted. I’m such a perfectionist! Most of my posts take me a couple days to complete. I really wasn’t using my blog how I originally intended.  I wanted to use this as place for me to write (type) about what I’m going through in my life.  Kind of like a journal. It was suppose to be a way for me to do what I love to do – write….

I got too caught up in what people might think about what I post, how my blog looked, what I should post, etc… It took me further and further away from just writing.  So I’ve decided to do what I wanted to do in the first place. Write.  Hopefully that means I’ll be posting more, but I make no promises. There will probably lots of rants and craziness. It’ll be a little more raw and open – not so calculated.  I can’t let what others might think stop me from doing what I want. Again, I remind everyone that I will be sharing my opinions – we are all entitled to our opinions.  You don’t have to agree or like what I post.

Life really is too short to Not to what you Love.

I don’t care if my blog gets a million views or not. I’m not doing this for a fan base.  But if one person out there connects with what I share – if something I post made you laugh, cry, or stop for a second and think twice – if through one of my posts, I help someone in some way, then I consider my blog a success.  We all want to feel connected – to something.  It’s always nice to know that you are Not alone.

I know that what I’m dealing with Ben, isn’t the worse thing. I know that there are those who are suffering worse, much worse. I am very grateful that we live in a time that saving his life is even possible.  Writing about it helped me work through my emotions. I tend to hold things inside until a boiling point so hopefully this will help me from doing that.  I’m always working to improve myself in every aspect.

It’s time for a change for the better :-)

* Update on Ben:

He’s out of ICU and in MedSurg. He has to stay at least one night since he tore his stomach in the same area as last time.  They were not 100% sure they closed it up all the way since there was a lot of blood in the area and Ben was retching the whole time.  They didn’t knock him out like last time so he was awake the whole time they were fixing him :-/  He can walk around and on a liquid diet. As long as his blood levels stay normal and there are no signs that there is bleeding going on, he will hopefully come home tomorrow :-)  We spent a few hours with him today. This room was a little bit easier for the boys to hang in out in.  It’s actually the same exact room he recovered in last year.  The lady at the food court recognized the boys.  Ben can’t wait to come home and neither cane me :-)

Happy that he gets to “eat” – broth, tea, and jello.