A race every month. I don’t know why I decided to have this goal for 2015. I made it at the beginning of the year when I was setting up my resolutions. I’m guessing at the time I thought it was a great idea. I knew it would challenge me and I wanted that. I thought it would help motivate me with my running, and it has. But it’s been more than I had expected.

Originally, I only planned on running 1 race every month. Not all of them would be halfs, but 3 for sure would be. The rest of the year was going to be shorter distances and obstacle course races that I would do with friends. It started off with the SF HotChocolate 15k in January that I did with my friend Liz. February was the San Jose Double Road Race I ran by myself and placed in my age group for the first time (4th). Then it kind of got a little crazy…..

Race #1: SF Hot Chocolate 15K with my girl Liz.

Race #2: SJ Double Road Race and fist time placing in my age group – 4th place!

March had 2 races. The She Is Beautiful 10K that I did with a big group of No Excuse Moms. A week later was the SF Rock N Roll Half. Two weeks later was my first Ragnar Race – So Cal Ragnar to kick off April. Another race for  was 2 week later, the Capital City Classic 10 miler which I again placed in my age group – this time 2nd place. May brought 2 more races. The Mermaid Sirena 18 miler I used to test if I would even consider doing a full was just 2 weeks after the CCC. Despite being sick, I placed 1st in my age group for that one. A fun obstacle race – The Rugged Maniac with my fellow NEM leaders ended May and again I was sick.

At the Start Line w/ my fellow NEM Group Leaders and members.

Race #3: Free pics from SIB

Race #4: SF Rock N Roll Half

Race #5: 12 girls, 2 vans, 2 days, and 200ish miles from Huntington Beach to San Diego for So Cal Ragnar.

Race #6: Capital City Classic 10 Miler with NEM founder Maria Kang.

Race #7: Sirena 18 miler. Sick and still placed 1st in my age group. Decided to run a full after this race.

Race #8: Rugged Maniac OCR race with NEM leaders Liz and Jess. Liz and I were both sick.

It slowed down a little after May. Part of it was that I was sick and the other part was that I was getting a little burnt out racing every two weeks. June was an easy 5 mile race for the San Jose Giant Race. I was still sick for this one too.Yes, I know I probably should have taken a break, but I’m stubborn. After this race I was put on antibiotics for a sinus infection and it took the rest of June and most of July for me to recover completely.

Race #9: Fun SJ Giant Race 5 Miler – still sick.

My latest race was the 1st Half of the SF Marathon in July. I didn’t get to train much. It was only a couple weeks after I finally started feeling better so I was not prepared for it. It was my hardest race and my slowest time. I had given up mentally the last couple miles because I was so tired of running hills so I didn’t push at the end like I usually do.  I never wanted to run hills again but won’t be the last time I run those SF hills this year.

Race 10: SF 1st Half Marathon – my toughest race and my slowest time.

As much as I want to just stop, I won’t. I want to finish my goal. I have 5 months left. That’s 5 more races – ok more like 6 or 7. From August to November I have a Half every month. SF Giant Race Half for August, San Jose Rock N Roll for September, Nike Womens Half Marathon in Oct – plus a 12k that I’m doing with a NEM team, and the Las Vegas Rock N Roll for November plus the Run To Feed the Hungry 10k that I do with my family every year.

To finish off my crazy year of running, I am ending it with my first Full Marathon in December, the California International Marathon. After the successful 18 miler, I decided to do my Full this year instead of waiting until my 35th birthday. I am pretty nervous/excited about it. Training starts tomorrow! I’ll probably post on my progress with training :-)

Using my Nike+ app to train for my fist marathon = California International Marathon in Sacramento.

My boys at their last belt test for Taekwondo

Yep. I’m missing my two crazy, high energy, loud, and sometimes annoying boys. The ones who talk my ear off all day and seem to fight with one another constantly. The ones who leave a mess everywhere they go and rarely listen to anything I say. I started missing them the same day they left.

They are off on a boys trip with their Grandpa touring caverns, taking boat rides, camping and fishing for a week. Before they left, I was looking forward to getting a break from them. I think we all needed a break from one another. The trip couldn’t come quick enough. It’s been a challenge keeping them entertained during this long summer break.

I was a little anxious about them being gone for so long, far from me. I made sure to hide my worries from them and keep them excited about their trip. I packed their bags and told them to take care of another, help their grandpa and to have fun.

I wasn’t there when they left. I had a race that same morning and had to leave before them. I did give them kisses on their foreheads before I left. Once I got home from the race and after Ben left for work, it was just me. And I missed them. A lot. It’s so different without them here.

It’s quite. Very very quiet. I don’t think the TV was on at all today. The house was still messy and I couldn’t blame them for once. LOL. It didn’t take long to clean up and of course it will stay clean longer while they’re gone.

I almost don’t know what to do. That’s how much my life, my world, revolves around my boys. It’s really strange just making food for myself. It does help when Ben is home. It gives me someone to take car of.

So what have I been doing? Cleaning and organizing mostly. I’m trying to sort through all their toys/clothes/books and purging. But being in their room reminds me that they are gone and makes me miss them more. So I go and clean/organize a different room for a while. I did get to watch a couple movies that I knew no one else would watch with me. And here I am blogging again after almost a year :-)

Ben and I have also been spending time together when he’s home from work. He actually took a day off so we could go for a hike to a waterfall. It was a fun day. But we still talked about the boys. He misses them too. We wondered what they were doing and if they were having fun.

Hiking Date to Alamere Falls

We did get a call from them the other night. A part of me wanted them to say they missed me and wanted to come home, but I was glad to hear the excitement in their voices as they told us about their adventures. Their Grandpa sends us pics and they look like they are getting along. It must just be at home that they constantly fight.

The days seem a little longer with the boys gone. I can’t wait for them to be home so I can give them big hugs and kisses. They give my life meaning and purpose. They test my sanity at times, but I love being their Mom :-)

I love my boys.

June 13, 2014

Workouts:
TIU BikiniBody
TIU BikiniBody2 – 50 reps of the TotalAbMove
1mile warmup
Smith Machine Squats 115lbs 10×3
Chest Press 10×3 25lbs
Front PullDown 10×3 40lbs
Ab Machine 10×3 65lbs
Spring Into Summer Cardio on StairMaster – 4.42miles

2min plank

Meals:
M1: egg whites/grapes/banana
M2: muffins at kids school party
M3: tilapia/cauliflower mash/broccoli
M4: Luna protein bar
M5: salmon pattie/cabbage/carrots
M6: Frozen Grapes

Busy day. Boys had their end of the year parties in the morning so I didn’t have time to go to the gym at my usual time. Did TIU workouts at home.

Boys had a pool play date at the gym after school so Ben and I took turns working out. I just did a quick workout with a one mile warmup, squats/chest press/front pull downs/ab machine. Did Spring into summer cardio on stairmaster.

Another great day with water :-) Tempted to go get some Taco Bell for dinner but we didn’t.

Sunset Challenge: My go to summer look is usually a bronze or neutral pink eye using the Naked palettes from UrbanDecay. Smoked out eyeliner I either black/purple/brown and a lip stain/balm. I wear tinted moisturizer with sunblock and sometimes I’ll put on blush/Bronzer. I only wear makeup when I have some place to go. Most of the time, I just wear moisturizer with sunblock, TIU lip balm, and sunglasses.

My last post was my first one in a long time.  It wasn’t what I had planned on for my first post back, but I needed to vent about my stressful day.  And after dealing with another close call with Ben, I realized that I needed to make more of an effort to get back to what I love. I kept putting off my blog because I felt like I didn’t have the time to create the posts I wanted. I’m such a perfectionist! Most of my posts take me a couple days to complete. I really wasn’t using my blog how I originally intended.  I wanted to use this as place for me to write (type) about what I’m going through in my life.  Kind of like a journal. It was suppose to be a way for me to do what I love to do – write….

I got too caught up in what people might think about what I post, how my blog looked, what I should post, etc… It took me further and further away from just writing.  So I’ve decided to do what I wanted to do in the first place. Write.  Hopefully that means I’ll be posting more, but I make no promises. There will probably lots of rants and craziness. It’ll be a little more raw and open – not so calculated.  I can’t let what others might think stop me from doing what I want. Again, I remind everyone that I will be sharing my opinions – we are all entitled to our opinions.  You don’t have to agree or like what I post.

Life really is too short to Not to what you Love.

I don’t care if my blog gets a million views or not. I’m not doing this for a fan base.  But if one person out there connects with what I share – if something I post made you laugh, cry, or stop for a second and think twice – if through one of my posts, I help someone in some way, then I consider my blog a success.  We all want to feel connected – to something.  It’s always nice to know that you are Not alone.

I know that what I’m dealing with Ben, isn’t the worse thing. I know that there are those who are suffering worse, much worse. I am very grateful that we live in a time that saving his life is even possible.  Writing about it helped me work through my emotions. I tend to hold things inside until a boiling point so hopefully this will help me from doing that.  I’m always working to improve myself in every aspect.

It’s time for a change for the better :-)

* Update on Ben:

He’s out of ICU and in MedSurg. He has to stay at least one night since he tore his stomach in the same area as last time.  They were not 100% sure they closed it up all the way since there was a lot of blood in the area and Ben was retching the whole time.  They didn’t knock him out like last time so he was awake the whole time they were fixing him :-/  He can walk around and on a liquid diet. As long as his blood levels stay normal and there are no signs that there is bleeding going on, he will hopefully come home tomorrow :-)  We spent a few hours with him today. This room was a little bit easier for the boys to hang in out in.  It’s actually the same exact room he recovered in last year.  The lady at the food court recognized the boys.  Ben can’t wait to come home and neither cane me :-)

Happy that he gets to “eat” – broth, tea, and jello.

“I think it’s happening again.” This was my wakeup call from Ben. I was instantly awake. I knew that I was either picking him from work or meeting him at the hospital.  He was having all the symptoms of a GI bleed – just like last year: Dark stool, nausea, light headedness, and spitting up blood.  Woke the boys up, got them dressed, and headed to the ER.

There he was again in a hospital bed with IVs and tubes. But at lease he wasn’t white as a ghost. We went over all the things he had done the last couple weeks trying to figure out what could have happened.  We wondered if he had somehow reopened his last tear.  The doctor examined him and confirmed that he was bleeding internally. Now the question was how bad was it.  Last year was a really bad tear right over an artery.  He lost so much blood. It was probably one of the scariest things we’ve gone through.  And we were reminded of it again today.

I didn’t want to leave Ben at the hospital by himself, but I couldn’t keep the boys settled down so I took them home while we waited for the endoscopy.  Waiting has to be one of the Worst things in the world. At home, I just wanted to cry, but I had to be strong for the boys.  Seppe is such an empath and he was very sensitive and moody all day.  Being sad in front of him would have made him fall apart.  I think Gio just buries it inside himself, but lashes out without knowing why.  Needless to say, they were both a bit difficult today.  Not that I had a lot of patience or energy to deal with it.  For most of the day, I felt like I was just hanging on to a thread to keep it all together.

While we waited, I thought about how it was the same but different from last year.  Things weren’t that great between us leading up to last year’s incident.  I was so irritated with Ben all the time. But as soon as I got that phone call from his boss, all the frustration with him vanished.  Nothing mattered except for him being ok and coming home.  It really helped put Life back into perspective for us.  This time around, things have been great for us.  I feel so lucky to wake up next to him every morning.  Life was great…..

But Life doesn’t like to give us a break. A part of me knew something like this was going to happen. Things were already starting to go downhill, starting with the news from our dental office that we had an outstanding balance of $2000 (more on that later).  When it rains it pours for us. We’ve been trying to stay positive with the dental office situation, hoping that the matter would be cleared up with our insurance. And then this happens….

I find myself asking why??? Why can’t we just catch a break? Why this nightmare again? Even though the bleeding was stopped and he didn’t lose as much blood, it was just as terrifying. The possibility of losing him was Still there.  I’m not sure how many more times he can go through this. And that’s what scares me the most.  They can’t say exactly what caused the tear, but they think it’s most likely due to the ibuprofen he took a few days ago.  He normally doesnt take anything besides tylenol but he had an infection that had his head swollen up pretty bad and he took the ibuprofen to help relieve the pressure. But there’s no guarantee that if we do everything we’re suppose to, that this won’t happen again.  His stomach is just so weak now.  Life really sucks sometimes.