My Crazy Goal

A race every month. I don’t know why I decided to have this goal for 2015. I made it at the beginning of the year when I was setting up my resolutions. I’m guessing at the time I thought it was a great idea. I knew it would challenge me and I wanted that. I thought it would help motivate me with my running, and it has. But it’s been more than I had expected.

Originally, I only planned on running 1 race every month. Not all of them would be halfs, but 3 for sure would be. The rest of the year was going to be shorter distances and obstacle course races that I would do with friends. It started off with the SF HotChocolate 15k in January that I did with my friend Liz. February was the San Jose Double Road Race I ran by myself and placed in my age group for the first time (4th). Then it kind of got a little crazy…..

Race #1: SF Hot Chocolate 15K with my girl Liz.

Race #1: SF Hot Chocolate 15K with my girl Liz.

Race #2: SJ Double Road Race and fist time placing in my age group - 4th place!

Race #2: SJ Double Road Race and fist time placing in my age group – 4th place!

March had 2 races. The She Is Beautiful 10K that I did with a big group of No Excuse Moms. A week later was the SF Rock N Roll Half. Two weeks later was my first Ragnar Race – So Cal Ragnar to kick off April. Another race for  was 2 week later, the Capital City Classic 10 miler which I again placed in my age group – this time 2nd place. May brought 2 more races. The Mermaid Sirena 18 miler I used to test if I would even consider doing a full was just 2 weeks after the CCC. Despite being sick, I placed 1st in my age group for that one. A fun obstacle race – The Rugged Maniac with my fellow NEM leaders ended May and again I was sick.

At the Start Line w/ my fellow NEM Group Leaders and members.

At the Start Line w/ my fellow NEM Group Leaders and members.

Free pics from SIB

Race #3: Free pics from SIB

Race #4: SF Rock N Roll Half

Race #4: SF Rock N Roll Half

12 girls, 2 vans, 2 days, and 200ish miles from Huntington Beach to San Diego for So Cal Ragnar,

Race #5: 12 girls, 2 vans, 2 days, and 200ish miles from Huntington Beach to San Diego for So Cal Ragnar.

Race #: Capital City Classic 10 Miler with NEM founder Maria Kang.

Race #6: Capital City Classic 10 Miler with NEM founder Maria Kang.

Sirena 18 miler. Sick and still placed 1st in my age group. Decided to run a full after this race.

Race #7: Sirena 18 miler. Sick and still placed 1st in my age group. Decided to run a full after this race.

Rugged Maniac OCR race with NEM leaders Liz and Jess. Liz and I were both sick.

Race #8: Rugged Maniac OCR race with NEM leaders Liz and Jess. Liz and I were both sick.

It slowed down a little after May. Part of it was that I was sick and the other part was that I was getting a little burnt out racing every two weeks. June was an easy 5 mile race for the San Jose Giant Race. I was still sick for this one too.Yes, I know I probably should have taken a break, but I’m stubborn. After this race I was put on antibiotics for a sinus infection and it took the rest of June and most of July for me to recover completely.

Fun SJ Giant Race 5 Miler - still sick.

Race #9: Fun SJ Giant Race 5 Miler – still sick.

My latest race was the 1st Half of the SF Marathon in July. I didn’t get to train much. It was only a couple weeks after I finally started feeling better so I was not prepared for it. It was my hardest race and my slowest time. I had given up mentally the last couple miles because I was so tired of running hills so I didn’t push at the end like I usually do.  I never wanted to run hills again but won’t be the last time I run those SF hills this year.

SF 1st Half Marathon - my toughest race and my slowest time.

Race 10: SF 1st Half Marathon – my toughest race and my slowest time.

As much as I want to just stop, I won’t. I want to finish my goal. I have 5 months left. That’s 5 more races – ok more like 6 or 7. From August to November I have a Half every month. SF Giant Race Half for August, San Jose Rock N Roll for September, Nike Womens Half Marathon in Oct – plus a 12k that I’m doing with a NEM team, and the Las Vegas Rock N Roll for November plus the Run To Feed the Hungry 10k that I do with my family every year.

To finish off my crazy year of running, I am ending it with my first Full Marathon in December, the California International Marathon. After the successful 18 miler, I decided to do my Full this year instead of waiting until my 35th birthday. I am pretty nervous/excited about it. Training starts tomorrow! I’ll probably post on my progress with training :-)

Using my Nike+ app to train for my fist marathon = California International Marathon in Sacramento.

Using my Nike+ app to train for my fist marathon = California International Marathon in Sacramento.

I Miss My Boys

My boys at their last belt test for Taekwondo

My boys at their last belt test for Taekwondo

Yep. I’m missing my two crazy, high energy, loud, and sometimes annoying boys. The ones who talk my ear off all day and seem to fight with one another constantly. The ones who leave a mess everywhere they go and rarely listen to anything I say. I started missing them the same day they left.

They are off on a boys trip with their Grandpa touring caverns, taking boat rides, camping and fishing for a week. Before they left, I was looking forward to getting a break from them. I think we all needed a break from one another. The trip couldn’t come quick enough. It’s been a challenge keeping them entertained during this long summer break.

I was a little anxious about them being gone for so long, far from me. I made sure to hide my worries from them and keep them excited about their trip. I packed their bags and told them to take care of another, help their grandpa and to have fun.

I wasn’t there when they left. I had a race that same morning and had to leave before them. I did give them kisses on their foreheads before I left. Once I got home from the race and after Ben left for work, it was just me. And I missed them. A lot. It’s so different without them here.

It’s quite. Very very quiet. I don’t think the TV was on at all today. The house was still messy and I couldn’t blame them for once. LOL. It didn’t take long to clean up and of course it will stay clean longer while they’re gone.

I almost don’t know what to do. That’s how much my life, my world, revolves around my boys. It’s really strange just making food for myself. It does help when Ben is home. It gives me someone to take car of.

So what have I been doing? Cleaning and organizing mostly. I’m trying to sort through all their toys/clothes/books and purging. But being in their room reminds me that they are gone and makes me miss them more. So I go and clean/organize a different room for a while. I did get to watch a couple movies that I knew no one else would watch with me. And here I am blogging again after almost a year :-)

Ben and I have also been spending time together when he’s home from work. He actually took a day off so we could go for a hike to a waterfall. It was a fun day. But we still talked about the boys. He misses them too. We wondered what they were doing and if they were having fun.

Hiking Date to Alamere Falls

Hiking Date to Alamere Falls

We did get a call from them the other night. A part of me wanted them to say they missed me and wanted to come home, but I was glad to hear the excitement in their voices as they told us about their adventures. Their Grandpa sends us pics and they look like they are getting along. It must just be at home that they constantly fight.

The days seem a little longer with the boys gone. I can’t wait for them to be home so I can give them big hugs and kisses. They give my life meaning and purpose. They test my sanity at times, but I love being their Mom :-)

I love my boys.

I love my boys.

BikiniSeries Day47

June 13, 2014


TIU BikiniBody
TIU BikiniBody2 – 50 reps of the TotalAbMove
1mile warmup
Smith Machine Squats 115lbs 10×3
Chest Press 10×3 25lbs
Front PullDown 10×3 40lbs
Ab Machine 10×3 65lbs
Spring Into Summer Cardio on StairMaster – 4.42miles

2min plank

M1: egg whites/grapes/banana
M2: muffins at kids school party
M3: tilapia/cauliflower mash/broccoli
M4: Luna protein bar
M5: salmon pattie/cabbage/carrots
M6: Frozen Grapes

Busy day. Boys had their end of the year parties in the morning so I didn’t have time to go to the gym at my usual time. Did TIU workouts at home.

Boys had a pool play date at the gym after school so Ben and I took turns working out. I just did a quick workout with a one mile warmup, squats/chest press/front pull downs/ab machine. Did Spring into summer cardio on stairmaster.

Another great day with water :-) Tempted to go get some Taco Bell for dinner but we didn’t.

Sunset Challenge: My go to summer look is usually a bronze or neutral pink eye using the Naked palettes from UrbanDecay. Smoked out eyeliner I either black/purple/brown and a lip stain/balm. I wear tinted moisturizer with sunblock and sometimes I’ll put on blush/Bronzer. I only wear makeup when I have some place to go. Most of the time, I just wear moisturizer with sunblock, TIU lip balm, and sunglasses.

BikiniSeries Day13-14


May 10/11, 2014

Another busy weekend. I am so grateful for Ben’s dad, Gene for being here. I don’t think I would have survived without his help.

Ben was still in the hospital Saturday. I had stayed until midnight on Friday with him and I went back to the hospital first thing Sat morning. He was looking better and walking around but still in a lot of pain. I had to pick up snacks for the boys’ baseball games, then went to Seppe’s game. Seppe was bummed Ben couldn’t be there. We had lunch then I dropped Seppe off at a birthday party and Gene took Gio to hospital to visit with Ben. We hung out until Gio’s game. I had to leave early to pick Seppe up from the party but I also had snack duty. Gene was able to stay and help hand out snacks and took Gio to visit Ben.

Ben wanted come home Sat night but they wanted to keep him another night. I went back to stay with him after I put the boys to bed. I did yoga and my plank before heading back to the hospital. Ben fell asleep soon after they have him more pain meds.

I got home late and fell asleep quickly but got woken up a couple hours later by Seppe. His stomach hurt and he wound up throwing up. He slept with me and it was not that comfortable. I got up to run but I was too tired so I decided to rest for the morning. Boys made me gifts for Mother’s Day. Seppe made a recipe book with recipes from all the continents and Gio a necklace. He later made me a journal to write in. They were both pretty good for me.

I went to the hospital after getting up to pick Ben up. We waited an hour for them to discharge him. He’s happy to be home. We set up the air mattress in the living room so he could lay down without having to turn his neck to see the tv. We had issues getting his prescription from the pharmacy. He got the hospital to sort it out. He’s doing well minus being cranky because he can’t eat anything besides broth and juice :-(

I went on a long run after my nap. Had a tummy ache at the half way point but I was able to finish. It was really windy out but it actually felt great. The run really helped make me feel better. I was feeling stressed out from the weekend. Plank to end my night. Ben is going to be home for a few weeks so I should be able to get my workouts in.

Meals weren’t that great this weekend. I skipped some meals and did not stay hydrated. I was just trying not to go crazy. Yoga and running helped me. I’m just glad that Ben is finally home and that I don’t have to go to the hospital anymore.

Spent Mother’s Day with my boys. Called my mom and had a nice talk. I’m grateful for all her sacrifices. I might not have agreed with her decisions but I know that if she hadn’t made them, I wouldn’t have the life I have.


Bikini Series Day3


April 30, 2014 –

Today was a good day :-) Even though I was’t feeling 100%, I had great workouts. I’m not sure if I’m fighting getting sick or if I am dealing with allergies. I feel tired but that can be due to getting up in the middle of the night dealing with a sick kid and not getting good sleep. I’m congested and that’s about it. My stomach isn’t hurting and I don’t feel nauseous like the boys do. I felt amazing during my workouts.

Started my day with a 5k jog. After I warmed up my legs felt great. I had some shin splints but they are not from running. They are from walking up and down the hills! They didn’t hurt at all on my run.

Gio is still sick so he stayed home with Ben. I dropped Seppe off at school and headed to the gym. I warmed up with a 10min max incline walk then hit the weight room. I did zbodyfitness Better Booty Month3 workout. I haven’t done her workouts in a while so I wanted to see if I had improved. I was able to up the weights on all the exercises. It use to take me at least an hour to complete the workouts but I can get it done in 45-50min now :-)
I followed it with extra leg work on machines:
Leg Extensions 8×4 65lbs
Lying Leg Curls 8×4 55lbs
Leg Press 8×4 180lbs – I’m working on getting to 270 :-)
Glute Pushdowns (on assisted pull-up machine) 10×4 94lbs
Ended with a 20min Interval workout on the stairmaster.

I was pretty worn out by the time I had to pick Seppe up. Had a little nap before helping Seppe with homework and making dinner. I was feeling tired but I still went to volleyball. I look forward to it every week. It’s one night I get to play the sport I love. I don’t think about Ben, the kids, or the million and one things I have to do. I just play. I had a pretty good night too :-) I actually warmed my arm up and I was able to serve overhand most of the night! This is a big deal for me because I have been working so hard to get my overhand serve back. My passing was decent too. It helped that I wore my contacts and could see the ball better :-) Hitting was ok. I just can’t get my timing back. After a tough game of 3 on 3 (that my team won) – I ended the night a little early. It was hot and I was worn out. But I still had the last day if the Spartan 30 Push-ups for 30 Days challenge, Malibooty, and a plank to do. And yes, I did them all after I got home from volleyball. Malibooty fit perfectly for my leg day.

My Meals were ok. It’s seems like there is one meal where I veer off track a bit. M2: was a Mango – it was the last one and I was glad because this last batch of mangos I got wasn’t that great. M3: was broccoli, brwn rice/quinoa mix, and turkey meatballs. It was leftover BBQ Chk but it didn’t taste good after a couple bites so I threw it out and got the meatballs. I didn’t want to take a risk of eating bad food since I was already dealing with sick kids. Lunch was also when I ate some bread from Ben’s Panera lunch and some Veggie Straws. I think I was super hungry after my morning workout.

Before I went to bed I did complete the Sunset challenge. I took a look at my Vision Board and my Create Your Summer List. I let go of my slip ups and focused on what I needed to do to get to my goals. I went to sleep thinking about how strong I was going to feel when I leg pressed 270lbs and how confident I was going to feel in a bikini at the TIU retreat with my fellow TIU sisters :-)

Let’s try this again

So my 2013 resolution/goal to blog more was an epic fail. There just never seemed to be enough time. I gave myself so much to do but I didn’t make time for my blog. 2013 was a bit of a blur. It seems like every year, time flies faster… if that’s even possible?

I was so focused on my running goals that I worked everything around it. It was frustrating for me because races became a hassle when they use to be fun. Ben works weekends, so I had to find a sitter or rush back as soon as I was finished.  Most of the races, I did by myself.  It seemed like a big inconvenience for everyone around me. And yes, that made me angry and dig my heels in more. But the harder I pushed myself, the further I got from my goals.  My life was definitely unbalanced.

And of course, there are the boys.  Their schedules for school and sports kept me busy. I was pretty much at their old school every day. At every game, I was doing something. I spread myself thin, so there was little time for me to just sit and write(type). I was lucky if I could get to bed by midnight most nights, and I was up at 6a the next day.

I was ready for the year to end by September but I had races lined up through November.  I backed off on the running and clean eating, having fast food more often than I would have liked. It was just easier. I was tired of planning, prepping and cooking meals. I was tired of not having a break from anything.

Now that 2014 has begun, I wanted to get back to my goal of giving my blog more attention.  So here I am making an effort to do this at least once a week.  What do I have planned for 2104? I’m making it a “Less is More” year. Yes, I am still running but only 3-4 times a week and I only want to do 2 halfs this year. I want to do two that I haven’t done before. The Rock N Roll Las Vegas one is looking like a real possibility.  I’ve backed off volunteering at the boys’ new school. I still help out when I can, but I’m not at the school every day all day.

What I’d really like to do this year, is help others to reach their fitness goals. I’m not quite sure how I’ll go about it. I don’t want to charge people. I just want to offer my tips, advice, and support to those who might be having a hard time. I’d like to be that person who is cheering them on and pushing them along the way.  I guess it’s all a bit intimidating with all these big companies who offer these great products with great results. But I guess, I’d want to show people that they can reach their goals without having to buy any special product or service.  You have everything you need to get started. With hard work and determination, you can have great results. Well that’s my dream for 2014 and I guess I won’t know until I go for it.

Retail Therapy


Target and Old Navy Haul from yesterday :-) Stocked up on tees/tanks for working out at Old Navy. You can never have enough, right? Had to get a Niners tee and some cute floral shades. Besides the Niners tee and glasses, the rest were on clearance. I need to stop going to Target to pick up deodorant because I always leave with more. Shorts and sport bras were on clearance. Sharpies were for Seppe’s teacher. Picked up Olay CC cream to see if I like it better than BB cream. I rarely get a chance to go shopping by myself and take my time. Having kids – especially boys- makes most of shopping trips very short. Another perk of having both boys in school for 6 hrs :-)

Now What Do I Do?

Finally! Both boys are in school ALL Day!!! I have been looking forward to this for a while, especially the last month. Relaxation didn’t start one the first day. We got back from our Disney vacation the day before school started so I had a lot if cleaning, organizing, and prepping to do the first couple days. Now that bags have been unpacked, the fridge is full, school supplies are purchased, and new clothes hung in the closet, I can now enjoy my freedom :-)

I have time to workout (uninterrupted), sit on my balcony drinking my green tea while I look out st the amazing view, and of course blog! There is so much I want to blog about that I hardly know where to start.

So I’ll start by answering the question I asked myself when I sat down in my zero gravity chair, inhaled a relaxing breath, and looked out at the world: Now What Do I Do? I wasn’t thinking about the laundry or dishes or even what workout I was going to do. I was wondering what I was going to do with my personal goals/dreams now that I had time to give them attention. Now that My boys are growing up and need me less, ts time for me to grow up too :-)

Do I go back to school and finish my degree? Do I get w second job and help make us more financially comfortable? Do I start my own business? I guess I should have been thinking about this for a while and actually have a plan. But the truth is, I don’t Know what I really want to do. A part of me wants to go back to school because I love learning and getting a degree was a goal I had for myself before having kids. But did I make that goal for me or for someone else? As I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve realized that for a long time, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted so I let others’ expectations dictate my goals. A college degree was always expected of me by my family. I am still deciding whether or not its something I really wanted.

Getting a second job would help with finances. There are medical bills, car maintenance, boys sports and saving for retirement that would be easier to deal with if there were two incomes. It’s s a shame that being a SAHM isn’t considered worthy enough to be a paid job. I do consider it my job and take pride in it. It’s also annoying that it doesn’t help get you hired in anything besides minimum wage jobs. I would have to go back into a world out of my comfort zone and probably be miserable. Plus, I’d have less time with my kids. It’s not appealing but sometimes we have to make sacrifices. I could start my own business. A scary thought. I don’t know what I would do. I’m really not a fan of those home businesses where you are trying to convince people to buy a certain product. I’m not a great salesperson.

As you can see, I’m a bit lost as to where to go. Taking some time to do some soul searching and find what I would love to do. I’m actually very happy with my Life right now. Despite the challenges Life has thrown at us the last month, I have no complaints. I have live in a great place w/ a million dollar view and weather that’s tough to beat. I wake up next to the man I love everyday. He loves me as I am and supports my dreams/goals. He supports our family and works hard. We made two beautiful boys. They drive me crazy but I couldn’t imagine my life without them. We have a great family. There really isn’t anything more I need or want.

My 1st and 3rd Grader ready for their first day of school:


I’m Back!

My last post was my first one in a long time.  It wasn’t what I had planned on for my first post back, but I needed to vent about my stressful day.  And after dealing with another close call with Ben, I realized that I needed to make more of an effort to get back to what I love. I kept putting off my blog because I felt like I didn’t have the time to create the posts I wanted. I’m such a perfectionist! Most of my posts take me a couple days to complete. I really wasn’t using my blog how I originally intended.  I wanted to use this as place for me to write (type) about what I’m going through in my life.  Kind of like a journal. It was suppose to be a way for me to do what I love to do – write….

I got too caught up in what people might think about what I post, how my blog looked, what I should post, etc… It took me further and further away from just writing.  So I’ve decided to do what I wanted to do in the first place. Write.  Hopefully that means I’ll be posting more, but I make no promises. There will probably lots of rants and craziness. It’ll be a little more raw and open – not so calculated.  I can’t let what others might think stop me from doing what I want. Again, I remind everyone that I will be sharing my opinions – we are all entitled to our opinions.  You don’t have to agree or like what I post.

Life really is too short to Not to what you Love.

I don’t care if my blog gets a million views or not. I’m not doing this for a fan base.  But if one person out there connects with what I share – if something I post made you laugh, cry, or stop for a second and think twice – if through one of my posts, I help someone in some way, then I consider my blog a success.  We all want to feel connected – to something.  It’s always nice to know that you are Not alone.

I know that what I’m dealing with Ben, isn’t the worse thing. I know that there are those who are suffering worse, much worse. I am very grateful that we live in a time that saving his life is even possible.  Writing about it helped me work through my emotions. I tend to hold things inside until a boiling point so hopefully this will help me from doing that.  I’m always working to improve myself in every aspect.

It’s time for a change for the better :-)

* Update on Ben:

He’s out of ICU and in MedSurg. He has to stay at least one night since he tore his stomach in the same area as last time.  They were not 100% sure they closed it up all the way since there was a lot of blood in the area and Ben was retching the whole time.  They didn’t knock him out like last time so he was awake the whole time they were fixing him :-/  He can walk around and on a liquid diet. As long as his blood levels stay normal and there are no signs that there is bleeding going on, he will hopefully come home tomorrow :-)  We spent a few hours with him today. This room was a little bit easier for the boys to hang in out in.  It’s actually the same exact room he recovered in last year.  The lady at the food court recognized the boys.  Ben can’t wait to come home and neither cane me :-)

Happy that he gets to “eat” – broth, tea, and jello.


“I think it’s happening again.” This was my wakeup call from Ben. I was instantly awake. I knew that I was either picking him from work or meeting him at the hospital.  He was having all the symptoms of a GI bleed – just like last year: Dark stool, nausea, light headedness, and spitting up blood.  Woke the boys up, got them dressed, and headed to the ER.

There he was again in a hospital bed with IVs and tubes. But at lease he wasn’t white as a ghost. We went over all the things he had done the last couple weeks trying to figure out what could have happened.  We wondered if he had somehow reopened his last tear.  The doctor examined him and confirmed that he was bleeding internally. Now the question was how bad was it.  Last year was a really bad tear right over an artery.  He lost so much blood. It was probably one of the scariest things we’ve gone through.  And we were reminded of it again today.

I didn’t want to leave Ben at the hospital by himself, but I couldn’t keep the boys settled down so I took them home while we waited for the endoscopy.  Waiting has to be one of the Worst things in the world. At home, I just wanted to cry, but I had to be strong for the boys.  Seppe is such an empath and he was very sensitive and moody all day.  Being sad in front of him would have made him fall apart.  I think Gio just buries it inside himself, but lashes out without knowing why.  Needless to say, they were both a bit difficult today.  Not that I had a lot of patience or energy to deal with it.  For most of the day, I felt like I was just hanging on to a thread to keep it all together.

While we waited, I thought about how it was the same but different from last year.  Things weren’t that great between us leading up to last year’s incident.  I was so irritated with Ben all the time. But as soon as I got that phone call from his boss, all the frustration with him vanished.  Nothing mattered except for him being ok and coming home.  It really helped put Life back into perspective for us.  This time around, things have been great for us.  I feel so lucky to wake up next to him every morning.  Life was great…..

But Life doesn’t like to give us a break. A part of me knew something like this was going to happen. Things were already starting to go downhill, starting with the news from our dental office that we had an outstanding balance of $2000 (more on that later).  When it rains it pours for us. We’ve been trying to stay positive with the dental office situation, hoping that the matter would be cleared up with our insurance. And then this happens….

I find myself asking why??? Why can’t we just catch a break? Why this nightmare again? Even though the bleeding was stopped and he didn’t lose as much blood, it was just as terrifying. The possibility of losing him was Still there.  I’m not sure how many more times he can go through this. And that’s what scares me the most.  They can’t say exactly what caused the tear, but they think it’s most likely due to the ibuprofen he took a few days ago.  He normally doesnt take anything besides tylenol but he had an infection that had his head swollen up pretty bad and he took the ibuprofen to help relieve the pressure. But there’s no guarantee that if we do everything we’re suppose to, that this won’t happen again.  His stomach is just so weak now.  Life really sucks sometimes.