Changing and Growing

Ok so I knew I would not be able to write every day like I wanted, but I’m trying….

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve changed or grown since I was kid – mainly since high school. It’s kind of funny to think about it. You know how there are some people that seem to not really change much from high school or college? I think that’s part of growing up.  Some of us, can move on from those days, and some of us can’t.

So for me, I’m comparing my 29 year old self to my high school self. I can’t believe that it’s been over 10 years since high school. I’d like to think that I have changed (or grown) quite a bit. Back then I was very very shy. I don’t really know why, but it’s probably because I was very insecure. I definitely lacked in self confidence. Like most teenagers, I was constantly searching for my identity.

Now, I’m not as shy. I credit my years in the customer service field for bringing me out of my shell. I’m still not a super out going person, but I am more comfortable with meeting new people.  My confidence level has gone up – even though I still struggle with it sometimes. Once I had the love of my life and our beautiful family, I got a big boost of confidence. When I focus on the things I have, I definitely feel like I can do anything.  I now have a firm grip on who I am – a big change from my high school days. But I’ve also learned that people constantly grow and change based on what life throws at them. I am constantly learning new things and working on bettering myself.

I have to admit that I was also very superficial as a teenager. I would get up super early just so I could get my hair and makeup done. I was very preoccupied with what I wore. I didn’t have expensive clothes, but I tried to have the same style as everyone else. Fitting in was so important. Now – there are days when I don’t do anything to my hair or face(besides was it). I’ll throw on a hat and some sunglasses and that’s it. I have more expensive clothes now, but I don’t have to buy the latest fashion trend. I now concentrate on what is comfortable and looks good on me.   On those days, I don’t do my hair and makeup are the days I’ll throw on some comfy sweats, a tshirt, and head out the door. I could care less about fitting in or impressing others. I’ve got the person I was trying to impress all those years, and he says that I’m beautiful without all the makeup and fancy clothes. That’s all I need.

Like most teenagers I also felt as if I was invincible. I was young – the whole world was ahead of me. I didn’t worry about my health. I was no more than 95 lbs through high school.  I stayed up all night and could keep going strong the very next day. I was no big partier or danger freak. I never did drugs. I drank alcohol only at the very end of high school. But it’s that feeling that nothing could happen to me that has gone now that I’m knocking on the door of my 30’s.  I don’t heal as quickly or the same as I did. Every injury takes a big toll on me now. Staying up all night is almost impossible for me. I can do it but it is painful the next day. Still have never done drugs. I am very proud of that.

On the subject of alcohol. I did have drinking days after high school.  I honestly felt that there was no point in drinking if I wasn’t going to get  smashed. But as soon as I became a mom, I pretty much stopped.  When I did drink it was only when the kids were not around. It was extremely rare for me to get drunk. The last time I got really drunk was in Vegas a couple years ago, and it did not go well. Not because I got so sick, but because apparently I have an allergy to alcohol. I had an allergic reaction after the first time I drank, but it never happened again until that trip to Vegas. Now I can’t drink liquor without getting an irritating rash. So now I don’t drink anything besides Pina Coladas. With my allergy and dealing with alcohol problems with family, I no longer think drinking to the point of being drunk is attractive in any way. Drunk people make me laugh.

I am a lot more concerned with my health now. I try to watch what I eat and get plenty of exercise. I am no longer 95 lbs. I don’t think I will ever be 95 lbs again. I get physicals once a year and go to the dentist. I am not a fan of the dentists or going to the doctor, but I would rather prevent something than try to fix a serious problem later on. I hated brushing my teeth and never flossed, but now I brush twice a day and floss every night no matter how late it is. I take care of myself now.

Why didn’t I do it when I was younger? Part of if is because my dad didn’t take us to the dentist of doctor’s unless he absolutely had to. But I think that the biggest reason is because I didn’t know that it was important. I guess I knew, but I didn’t care… I think part of being young is to have that care free attitude. It’s with time and age that we learn what we need and that there is more to learn.

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