Tag Archive | life

Now What Do I Do?

Finally! Both boys are in school ALL Day!!! I have been looking forward to this for a while, especially the last month. Relaxation didn’t start one the first day. We got back from our Disney vacation the day before school started so I had a lot if cleaning, organizing, and prepping to do the first couple days. Now that bags have been unpacked, the fridge is full, school supplies are purchased, and new clothes hung in the closet, I can now enjoy my freedom :-)

I have time to workout (uninterrupted), sit on my balcony drinking my green tea while I look out st the amazing view, and of course blog! There is so much I want to blog about that I hardly know where to start.

So I’ll start by answering the question I asked myself when I sat down in my zero gravity chair, inhaled a relaxing breath, and looked out at the world: Now What Do I Do? I wasn’t thinking about the laundry or dishes or even what workout I was going to do. I was wondering what I was going to do with my personal goals/dreams now that I had time to give them attention. Now that My boys are growing up and need me less, ts time for me to grow up too :-)

Do I go back to school and finish my degree? Do I get w second job and help make us more financially comfortable? Do I start my own business? I guess I should have been thinking about this for a while and actually have a plan. But the truth is, I don’t Know what I really want to do. A part of me wants to go back to school because I love learning and getting a degree was a goal I had for myself before having kids. But did I make that goal for me or for someone else? As I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve realized that for a long time, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted so I let others’ expectations dictate my goals. A college degree was always expected of me by my family. I am still deciding whether or not its something I really wanted.

Getting a second job would help with finances. There are medical bills, car maintenance, boys sports and saving for retirement that would be easier to deal with if there were two incomes. It’s s a shame that being a SAHM isn’t considered worthy enough to be a paid job. I do consider it my job and take pride in it. It’s also annoying that it doesn’t help get you hired in anything besides minimum wage jobs. I would have to go back into a world out of my comfort zone and probably be miserable. Plus, I’d have less time with my kids. It’s not appealing but sometimes we have to make sacrifices. I could start my own business. A scary thought. I don’t know what I would do. I’m really not a fan of those home businesses where you are trying to convince people to buy a certain product. I’m not a great salesperson.

As you can see, I’m a bit lost as to where to go. Taking some time to do some soul searching and find what I would love to do. I’m actually very happy with my Life right now. Despite the challenges Life has thrown at us the last month, I have no complaints. I have live in a great place w/ a million dollar view and weather that’s tough to beat. I wake up next to the man I love everyday. He loves me as I am and supports my dreams/goals. He supports our family and works hard. We made two beautiful boys. They drive me crazy but I couldn’t imagine my life without them. We have a great family. There really isn’t anything more I need or want.

My 1st and 3rd Grader ready for their first day of school:

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My 2012 Recap

Now that 2013 is here,  I wanted to take a look back on 2012.  It was an amazing year! So much happened. I definitely learned a lot about myself this past year. And it went by so fast!

We had a lot of family fun this year:

Camping at Hatcreek – This is a special place for our family and I Love that I can share this wonderful place with my boys. I’m also very grateful that they got to spend time with their great grandpa who has had such a big influence on the person I am today.

Hatcreek 2012

Fishing Trip to Eagle Lake – so proud of the boys for waking up at 3:30 in the morning for three days straight and toughed out 5-6 hours of fishing.  Seppe wound up being the one to catch not one but 2, fish.

Eagle Lake 2012

San Francisco Zoo with our close friends the McCauley’s – the boys had so much fun. It was everyone’s first time to the SF zoo.

SF Zoo 2012

Great America w/ season passes – we enjoyed having the McCauley’s join us and we went back many times until the season ended.

Great America 2012

TBall for the Boys (Seppe’s 1st year, Gio’s 2nd) Seppe was on the Mets and Gio was a Pirate this year.

Seppe's 1st Season of TBall

Seppe’s 1st Season of TBall

Gio's 2nd Season of Tball

Gio’s 2nd Season of Tball

Disneyland and Universal Studios Vacation – 3 days of Disney and 1 day at Universal. Seppe enjoyed every minute of it. Gio was only happy when he was on a ride. He did not like waiting. lol.

Disney:Universal

Vegas Trip for Benny and Me

Vegas 2012

Berkley Shoe Camp Out (first and last!)

Berkley CampOut

We had a scary moment in March when Ben wound up in the hospital. He came close to dying but we were so fortunate that the doctors were able save him. It really helped put things in perspective for me and made me appreciate just how precious life is.

Hospital

For my Personal Fitness, I achieved so many goals and went well pass what I thought I was going to when the year started. I learned that I can always push myself harder.

Completed BeachBody Turbo Fire Challenge

Left - Day1 of BB TurboFireRight - Day after the Last Day

Left – Day1 of BB TurboFire
Right – Day after the Last Day

Fist 10K (Gio’s first 1/2 mile race)

Capital City Classic 10K

Capital City Classic 10K

Big Sur 9miler (w/ Aunt and Sister)

Big Sur 9Miler

Big Sur 9Miler

Disneyland Half Marathon (mini vacation w/ Benny) – first half marathon

1st Half Marathon

1st Half Marathon

NWM Half

Second Half Marathon 6weeks later

Second Half Marathon 6weeks later

Thanksgiving Run To Feed the Hungry  (w/ the family) – beat my time from last year :-)

Family Fitness on Thanksgiving

Family Fitness on Thanksgiving

Tone It Up’s Bikini Series and 3 rounds of the 5DSD – followed TIU Nutrition Plan for most of the year (slightly went off track at Christmas)

Progress throughout my 1st year on the ToneItUp Nutrition Plan after BikiniSeries

Progress throughout my 1st year on the ToneItUp Nutrition Plan after BikiniSeries

Started playing volleyball again :-)

Volleyball every Wed from 7-10

Volleyball every Wed from 7-10

I had so much fun in 2012. It’s been the happiest and healthiest so far.   And I can’t wait for More in 2013!

BeachBody Day51 – A Close Call

And I’m back! Well… I’m trying to get back to my BeachBody Challenge and my workout routine in general.  It’s been a couple weeks :-/  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you know that I had a family emergency with a really scary close call with Ben in the hospital for 5 days. I am truly grateful to live in a time where modern medicine was able to save Ben’s life without having to cut him open.  He’s doing very well and already back to work :-)

The day he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance was Day51 of my Beach Body Challenge and I was actually able to finish my workouts.  I went for an 8 mile bike ride in the morning. The boys wanted to go for a swim and Ben wanted to workout at the gym as soon as I got back. I couldn’t believe that the boys actually jumped into the pool. It was only 58 degrees out! In hind sight, Ben probably shouldn’t have worked out because he wound up throwing up when we got back home. The vomitting is what tore his stomach and it just happened to be right over an artery so he started to bleed out without knowing it until much later.

The beginning of our day: Top (R-L) - Avocado Egg Salad Sandwich, Seppe enjoying his lunch, Core20/Stretch40 workout. Bottom - 8 mile bike ride and the boys jumping into the pool.

He got through most of his shift before he started to feel light headed and looking really pale.  He had gone to the bathroom throughout  the day but didn’t realize that he was bleeding out.  He decided to take the rest of the day off but went to bathroom one last time and that was when he started throwing up blood :-( This was when they called the ambulance and sent him to the hospital.  I got the call just as I was starting dinner for the boys.  My heart sank but I focused on doing what needed to be done. I got the boys ready and out the door. I immediately called his parents hoping that one of them would come.  I wasn’t sure how bad Ben was. I was worried how the boys were going to handle the ER.

Fortunately, the ER wasn’t busy or crazy at all. Ben was in a room and looked terrified.  The boys were ok until they tried to put a tube down Ben’s nose and throat.  It started a vomitting fit and he threw up so much blood.  This scared both of the boys and I knew that it was time to go. It broke my heart to leave. I didn’t want to leave Ben there all alone. He kept asking what was wrong with him. Seppe was in full tears and Gio was doing his best to be strong but I could see tears in his eyes. I promised Ben that I’d be back. I was grateful that Ruth called and said that she would come that night.  I took the boys home and made them a late dinner. I didn’t have an appetite at all. I had to wait 2 hours for Ruth to come from Sacramento.

Turbo Fire Day 49 – While I waited, I did the Core20 and Stretch40.  I needed to keep busy. I was trying not to freak out and cry in front of the boys. It was really hard, but doing the workouts helped, especially the Stretch40.  The yoga really helped with the stress and tension. I didn’t enjoy the relaxation part as much. It was hard to clear my mind. I was so worried and scared. At least I didn’t spend an hour just sitting there freaking out.

As soon as I was finished, I got dressed and waited another half hour before Ruth arrived and went back to the hospital as soon as she got here. I went back to the ER but they had already transferred him to ICU.  This, of course, added to my worry. I had to wait a half hour before they let me in to see him.  He as so weak and pale.  He was half asleep. I was allowed to spend the night and I did. It was a Long night.  Neither one of us slept that much.  Ben was restless but was not allowed to get up at all. I helped bring him his bed pan and anything else he needed in between the nurses coming in to help. They were great at being there for pretty much everything. Ben was not happy because he wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything.  The enoscopy was scheduled for the morning and they needed his stomach to be as empty as possible.

Anytime Ben went to the bathroom he would also throw up blood. They were giving him blood to try and stay ahead of the blood loss. I think they didn’t realize how much he had already lost while at work and in the ER. They hoped that the procedure would help them find the cause of the bleed (they didn’t know yet) and stop it. The procedure in the morning didn’t help much.  It ruled out their first diagnosis of a stomach ulcer but there was so much blood that they weren’t able to see where it was coming from.  They decided to repeat the procedure in the afternoon with Ben completely sedated so they could suck out all the blood in area. It was a long 4 hours in between the procedures. Ben wasn’t doing well at this point. We knew that if they couldn’t find the the source of bleeding with the second enoscopy that he would need surgery.

The second enoscopy took longer so I was worried that he had gone into surgery. I was relieved when the nurse told me that they found the source of the bleed and were able to stop it.  When they allowed me back into his room, he was still sleeping but I could already see the color coming back to his skin.  I hadn’t noticed how pale he really was until I saw him with some color.  A couple hours later he was awake enough to talk to his dad and the boys :-) They were still giving him blood though because his blood count was still low.  I think this was when they realized that he had lost more than they originally thought.   It took 2 more nights in the ICU to get his blood count back up.  All in all he was given 12 units of blood. The GI doctor that worked on him told him it was the worst bleed he’d seen and all the nurses kept telling him that he was very lucky. They kept him one more day in MedSurge for observation and then let him go home. I stayed with him every night.

I am truly grateful for his parents who both came to help with the boys. We are extremely thankful for the Doctors and Nurses who saved Ben’s life. Also, Thank You to our Family and Friends who reached out to us by sending us your thoughts, prayers, wishes, txts, messages, calls and emails. I apologize if I did not reply to everyone. This whole situation has really shown me who I can really count on and what is really important. I have been focusing a lot on spending quality time with my family and enjoying Life.  Sorry that this was so long. Thank you to those of you who read the whole thing :-) Life is too Short and too Precious to waste.  Tell those that you care about that you Love them and Make Every Day Count!

5 days and 4 nights at the hospital (3 days in ICU): Top - Seppe and me in ICU, Gio playing w/ Ben's phone, Seppe with the skeleton doctor. Bottom - Ben's ICU room and Gio in Ben's MedSurge room.

 

Pretty much what I lived on while I was at the hospital with Ben. Didn't have much of an appetite for the first few days. Brought my water bottle to stay hydrated.

Simple Rules

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Sometimes we can make Life more complicated than it really has to be. Not that it can’t get crazy and complicated. When we’re unhappy, it can seem impossible to get to where we want to be. These 3 simple Rules can really help.

GO, ASK, and MOVE!

Don’t let Fear hold you back. GO for it!!

No isn’t something we want to hear but we can’t let that stop us from asking. So ASK for what you want. If you don’t, you don’t even give Yes a chance :-)

The last one is the most important. All your goals and dreams require you to take a step away from where you are currently. Doing nothing gets you no where, so MOVE!!

Good Bye 20’s!

Yep! I turned the Big 3-0! It still seems unreal to me though. lol. I remember when I was a teenager I thought 30 was old and it seemed so far away. When I got into my 20’s, I swore that I would never admit I was 30 to anyone and be forever 29. Silly huh? But that’s changed. I am very proud to be 30 years young(as my mother would say).

I realized I wasn’t as young as I use to be a while ago. Guess kids will do that to you? Hahaha. But I really don’t feel that different. I guess getting healthy and in shape has a lot to do with it. I am probably in better shape now than I’ve ever been. Yes, including high school. I weighed less back then, but trust me, I was far from healthy. I was young and I could put my body through a lot (all nighters, junk food, tons of candy, injuries from sports and other activities, and lots of alcohol) and bounce right back…. so not the case now. And I’m ok with that. Now I’m taking good care of my body.

So what can I say about my 30 years of Life? Well, it has definitely been a journey. I’ve made mistakes. Some big, some small. I’ve learned from most of them. Looking back at it all, it’s been a good 30 years despite the hard times. What’s stand out for me is Not any big acomplishment or trip. It’s the people :-) I am lucky to have had so many great and wonderful people in my life.

My dad who took care of the 5 of us on his own – when he didn’t have to. I don’t agree with everything he did, but I am grateful for all that he’s done for me and my brothers. My Grandpa who I admire and look up to. He’s taught me so much about life.
My friend, Chris Quenga who took me under her wing and treated me like her daughter. She helped me so much in high school. My teachers. Yes, teachers. I had some really great ones who taught me more than just a subject in school. My love for learning is because of them.
My friends. I am very lucky to have such wonderful friends. I still care about all the friends I had in high school and still close to a lot of them :-) I can never forget my friends in Florida who were the best part of my 3 years there.
Ben. How many can say that they got the man of their dreams (since I was 13)? Me!!! I have spent over half my life in love with him and I am so happy to be spending the rest of my life with him.
Last but definitely not least – my sons. They have truly given my life meaning and purpose. I may not be super successful by some standards, but I am pretty damn proud to be a stay at home mom to Gio and Seppe. They are my world. They may have not been planned but I am a true believer that Everything Happens for a Reason. To me, all that I’ve gone through was to prepare me for where I am now.

On my birthday (the 28th) I asked myself if I was Happy with where I am now and who I am? The answer…. Yes! Life might not be glamorous and a little tough, but I Love My Life.
I am looking forward to my 30’s. I plan on doing a lot with my life and I know that I’m Not too old to follow my dreams. I’m living a healthier lifestyle and loving it. I’m training for races that I never even considered when I was younger. I’m excited to watch my sons grow up – even though I am also a little sad about it. I know there is still so much to learn and do. And I plan on learning and doing as much as I can :-)

I didn’t do anything special on my birthday but Ben and the boys made me cards and got me my favorite, Roses :-) But that doesnt mean I’m Not doing something…I will be celebrated in Vegas the week after with Ben and my friends :-) I am definitely Not too old to party!

So Good Bye to my 20’s and Hello to my 30’s and the rest of my Life :-)

Cards and Roses from Ben, Gio and Seppe

From My Ninja (well Samurai Power Ranger)

Gio told Ben what to type :-)

My Cool Looking Seppe

From My Seppe Rooo

My Favorite - Roses :-)

Life with a Controller

I wanted to start a new series about  my Life with an ATCS – for those who don’t know: Air Traffic Control Specialist. Yes, that is their official job title. Most of us just call them Air Traffic Controllers. Some don’t even know what they do. They are NOT the ones on the runways with the lights guiding the planes!! lol. (Yes Ben gets that a lot.)

ATCS are the guys (and gals) that talk to the pilots while they are one runways and in the air. There are several types of controllers. The ones at the airports (like Ben), centers and ones in the TRACONS (Terminal Radar Approach Control which talk to pilots, centers, and towers). I think I’ll save details and specifics for a different post though. I’ve learned so much about Air Traffic, airports, towers, centers, etc.  from Ben and his job.

Everyone says Controllers have super stressful jobs and get criticized like crazy by the media. Life has certainly been interesting since Ben decided to become an ATCS. There is a lot that I’ve really enjoyed and there is a lot that I can’t stand but I’m not going to get into all of it right now.

I can honestly say that I wouldn’t want to be an ATCS. Not that I CAN’T do the job. It’s not in any way interesting to me and because of the people and the politics. You definitely have to be a Type A personality to survive – or a minority (more on that later). To be a GOOD controller you have to be good at multitasking, assertive, and confident at all times. Ben is exactly that. His job definitely has a big impact on our family. From the day to day and the “big” picture.

And  I’m gong to share how I deal with it.

Air Traffic Control Specialists (ATCS)