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Now What Do I Do?

Finally! Both boys are in school ALL Day!!! I have been looking forward to this for a while, especially the last month. Relaxation didn’t start one the first day. We got back from our Disney vacation the day before school started so I had a lot if cleaning, organizing, and prepping to do the first couple days. Now that bags have been unpacked, the fridge is full, school supplies are purchased, and new clothes hung in the closet, I can now enjoy my freedom :-)

I have time to workout (uninterrupted), sit on my balcony drinking my green tea while I look out st the amazing view, and of course blog! There is so much I want to blog about that I hardly know where to start.

So I’ll start by answering the question I asked myself when I sat down in my zero gravity chair, inhaled a relaxing breath, and looked out at the world: Now What Do I Do? I wasn’t thinking about the laundry or dishes or even what workout I was going to do. I was wondering what I was going to do with my personal goals/dreams now that I had time to give them attention. Now that My boys are growing up and need me less, ts time for me to grow up too :-)

Do I go back to school and finish my degree? Do I get w second job and help make us more financially comfortable? Do I start my own business? I guess I should have been thinking about this for a while and actually have a plan. But the truth is, I don’t Know what I really want to do. A part of me wants to go back to school because I love learning and getting a degree was a goal I had for myself before having kids. But did I make that goal for me or for someone else? As I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve realized that for a long time, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted so I let others’ expectations dictate my goals. A college degree was always expected of me by my family. I am still deciding whether or not its something I really wanted.

Getting a second job would help with finances. There are medical bills, car maintenance, boys sports and saving for retirement that would be easier to deal with if there were two incomes. It’s s a shame that being a SAHM isn’t considered worthy enough to be a paid job. I do consider it my job and take pride in it. It’s also annoying that it doesn’t help get you hired in anything besides minimum wage jobs. I would have to go back into a world out of my comfort zone and probably be miserable. Plus, I’d have less time with my kids. It’s not appealing but sometimes we have to make sacrifices. I could start my own business. A scary thought. I don’t know what I would do. I’m really not a fan of those home businesses where you are trying to convince people to buy a certain product. I’m not a great salesperson.

As you can see, I’m a bit lost as to where to go. Taking some time to do some soul searching and find what I would love to do. I’m actually very happy with my Life right now. Despite the challenges Life has thrown at us the last month, I have no complaints. I have live in a great place w/ a million dollar view and weather that’s tough to beat. I wake up next to the man I love everyday. He loves me as I am and supports my dreams/goals. He supports our family and works hard. We made two beautiful boys. They drive me crazy but I couldn’t imagine my life without them. We have a great family. There really isn’t anything more I need or want.

My 1st and 3rd Grader ready for their first day of school:

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I’m Back!

My last post was my first one in a long time.  It wasn’t what I had planned on for my first post back, but I needed to vent about my stressful day.  And after dealing with another close call with Ben, I realized that I needed to make more of an effort to get back to what I love. I kept putting off my blog because I felt like I didn’t have the time to create the posts I wanted. I’m such a perfectionist! Most of my posts take me a couple days to complete. I really wasn’t using my blog how I originally intended.  I wanted to use this as place for me to write (type) about what I’m going through in my life.  Kind of like a journal. It was suppose to be a way for me to do what I love to do – write….

I got too caught up in what people might think about what I post, how my blog looked, what I should post, etc… It took me further and further away from just writing.  So I’ve decided to do what I wanted to do in the first place. Write.  Hopefully that means I’ll be posting more, but I make no promises. There will probably lots of rants and craziness. It’ll be a little more raw and open – not so calculated.  I can’t let what others might think stop me from doing what I want. Again, I remind everyone that I will be sharing my opinions – we are all entitled to our opinions.  You don’t have to agree or like what I post.

Life really is too short to Not to what you Love.

I don’t care if my blog gets a million views or not. I’m not doing this for a fan base.  But if one person out there connects with what I share – if something I post made you laugh, cry, or stop for a second and think twice – if through one of my posts, I help someone in some way, then I consider my blog a success.  We all want to feel connected – to something.  It’s always nice to know that you are Not alone.

I know that what I’m dealing with Ben, isn’t the worse thing. I know that there are those who are suffering worse, much worse. I am very grateful that we live in a time that saving his life is even possible.  Writing about it helped me work through my emotions. I tend to hold things inside until a boiling point so hopefully this will help me from doing that.  I’m always working to improve myself in every aspect.

It’s time for a change for the better :-)

* Update on Ben:

He’s out of ICU and in MedSurg. He has to stay at least one night since he tore his stomach in the same area as last time.  They were not 100% sure they closed it up all the way since there was a lot of blood in the area and Ben was retching the whole time.  They didn’t knock him out like last time so he was awake the whole time they were fixing him :-/  He can walk around and on a liquid diet. As long as his blood levels stay normal and there are no signs that there is bleeding going on, he will hopefully come home tomorrow :-)  We spent a few hours with him today. This room was a little bit easier for the boys to hang in out in.  It’s actually the same exact room he recovered in last year.  The lady at the food court recognized the boys.  Ben can’t wait to come home and neither cane me :-)

Happy that he gets to “eat” – broth, tea, and jello.

Repeat

“I think it’s happening again.” This was my wakeup call from Ben. I was instantly awake. I knew that I was either picking him from work or meeting him at the hospital.  He was having all the symptoms of a GI bleed – just like last year: Dark stool, nausea, light headedness, and spitting up blood.  Woke the boys up, got them dressed, and headed to the ER.

There he was again in a hospital bed with IVs and tubes. But at lease he wasn’t white as a ghost. We went over all the things he had done the last couple weeks trying to figure out what could have happened.  We wondered if he had somehow reopened his last tear.  The doctor examined him and confirmed that he was bleeding internally. Now the question was how bad was it.  Last year was a really bad tear right over an artery.  He lost so much blood. It was probably one of the scariest things we’ve gone through.  And we were reminded of it again today.

I didn’t want to leave Ben at the hospital by himself, but I couldn’t keep the boys settled down so I took them home while we waited for the endoscopy.  Waiting has to be one of the Worst things in the world. At home, I just wanted to cry, but I had to be strong for the boys.  Seppe is such an empath and he was very sensitive and moody all day.  Being sad in front of him would have made him fall apart.  I think Gio just buries it inside himself, but lashes out without knowing why.  Needless to say, they were both a bit difficult today.  Not that I had a lot of patience or energy to deal with it.  For most of the day, I felt like I was just hanging on to a thread to keep it all together.

While we waited, I thought about how it was the same but different from last year.  Things weren’t that great between us leading up to last year’s incident.  I was so irritated with Ben all the time. But as soon as I got that phone call from his boss, all the frustration with him vanished.  Nothing mattered except for him being ok and coming home.  It really helped put Life back into perspective for us.  This time around, things have been great for us.  I feel so lucky to wake up next to him every morning.  Life was great…..

But Life doesn’t like to give us a break. A part of me knew something like this was going to happen. Things were already starting to go downhill, starting with the news from our dental office that we had an outstanding balance of $2000 (more on that later).  When it rains it pours for us. We’ve been trying to stay positive with the dental office situation, hoping that the matter would be cleared up with our insurance. And then this happens….

I find myself asking why??? Why can’t we just catch a break? Why this nightmare again? Even though the bleeding was stopped and he didn’t lose as much blood, it was just as terrifying. The possibility of losing him was Still there.  I’m not sure how many more times he can go through this. And that’s what scares me the most.  They can’t say exactly what caused the tear, but they think it’s most likely due to the ibuprofen he took a few days ago.  He normally doesnt take anything besides tylenol but he had an infection that had his head swollen up pretty bad and he took the ibuprofen to help relieve the pressure. But there’s no guarantee that if we do everything we’re suppose to, that this won’t happen again.  His stomach is just so weak now.  Life really sucks sometimes.

My 2012 Recap

Now that 2013 is here,  I wanted to take a look back on 2012.  It was an amazing year! So much happened. I definitely learned a lot about myself this past year. And it went by so fast!

We had a lot of family fun this year:

Camping at Hatcreek – This is a special place for our family and I Love that I can share this wonderful place with my boys. I’m also very grateful that they got to spend time with their great grandpa who has had such a big influence on the person I am today.

Hatcreek 2012

Fishing Trip to Eagle Lake – so proud of the boys for waking up at 3:30 in the morning for three days straight and toughed out 5-6 hours of fishing.  Seppe wound up being the one to catch not one but 2, fish.

Eagle Lake 2012

San Francisco Zoo with our close friends the McCauley’s – the boys had so much fun. It was everyone’s first time to the SF zoo.

SF Zoo 2012

Great America w/ season passes – we enjoyed having the McCauley’s join us and we went back many times until the season ended.

Great America 2012

TBall for the Boys (Seppe’s 1st year, Gio’s 2nd) Seppe was on the Mets and Gio was a Pirate this year.

Seppe's 1st Season of TBall

Seppe’s 1st Season of TBall

Gio's 2nd Season of Tball

Gio’s 2nd Season of Tball

Disneyland and Universal Studios Vacation – 3 days of Disney and 1 day at Universal. Seppe enjoyed every minute of it. Gio was only happy when he was on a ride. He did not like waiting. lol.

Disney:Universal

Vegas Trip for Benny and Me

Vegas 2012

Berkley Shoe Camp Out (first and last!)

Berkley CampOut

We had a scary moment in March when Ben wound up in the hospital. He came close to dying but we were so fortunate that the doctors were able save him. It really helped put things in perspective for me and made me appreciate just how precious life is.

Hospital

For my Personal Fitness, I achieved so many goals and went well pass what I thought I was going to when the year started. I learned that I can always push myself harder.

Completed BeachBody Turbo Fire Challenge

Left - Day1 of BB TurboFireRight - Day after the Last Day

Left – Day1 of BB TurboFire
Right – Day after the Last Day

Fist 10K (Gio’s first 1/2 mile race)

Capital City Classic 10K

Capital City Classic 10K

Big Sur 9miler (w/ Aunt and Sister)

Big Sur 9Miler

Big Sur 9Miler

Disneyland Half Marathon (mini vacation w/ Benny) – first half marathon

1st Half Marathon

1st Half Marathon

NWM Half

Second Half Marathon 6weeks later

Second Half Marathon 6weeks later

Thanksgiving Run To Feed the Hungry  (w/ the family) – beat my time from last year :-)

Family Fitness on Thanksgiving

Family Fitness on Thanksgiving

Tone It Up’s Bikini Series and 3 rounds of the 5DSD – followed TIU Nutrition Plan for most of the year (slightly went off track at Christmas)

Progress throughout my 1st year on the ToneItUp Nutrition Plan after BikiniSeries

Progress throughout my 1st year on the ToneItUp Nutrition Plan after BikiniSeries

Started playing volleyball again :-)

Volleyball every Wed from 7-10

Volleyball every Wed from 7-10

I had so much fun in 2012. It’s been the happiest and healthiest so far.   And I can’t wait for More in 2013!

No Time Like Now

I always find something inspiring, motivating, or interesting on Twitter. I guess that’s one of the main reasons I’m on there :-)

This tweet came from the amazing Kerri Walsh:
@kerrileewalsh: There is no time like NOW! “There is one thing in this world that has the ability to change our whole life in an instant… IT’S ACTION.”

And it’s Sooooo TRUE!!!

Especially when it comes to getting Healthy and Fit. I know that with the holiday season and all it’s temptations, it’s easier to put off our goals until AFTER or LATER… The holidays, then New Year… But then it’s 6 months later and still nothing has started :-/ This usually leads to lots of guilt and feeling depressed.

That’s why I love this tweet. You don’t have to wait to until After or Later. You Can Start Now!! And starting is the First Step to getting to that Goal. Stop saying that you’re going to start working out – Just Do It! It doesn’t have to be a full intense hour long gym session. Do a set of push-ups and crunches. No, you’re not going to lose 10lbs on the spot or sprout guns for biceps, But you will have taken a step in the opposite direction of doing nothing. And the more times you take Action towards your Goal, the closer you’ll get to it :-) It makes a lot of sense when you think about it – if you don’t do anything, you won’t go anywhere.

I keep this in mind when I’m having an off day or week. I do my best not to dwell on my setbacks and I focus on what needs to be done to get back on track. Unless I’m sick or injured, I also try not to wait until After or Later. I’ll start at that moment. If I’ve been eating unhealthy, I make sure the next thing I eat is healthy. If I’ve been lazy with my workouts, I go through my workouts and pick one or I’ll go for a run.

I’ve always been a big believer in “Actions speak Louder than Words.” You can’t just talk about how you’re going to get healthy and fit. You gotta get up and Do It! Not Later but Now!

The Day After

I ran my second half marathon yesterday (Sunday Oct.14th) even though I was still fighting a virus. My training was already shortened because I had just finished recovering from my first half and had about 4 weeks to get ready for the NWM. The virus hit me 4 days before the race and pretty much took me out. I was still determined to do the race so I focused on resting and saving up all my energy for Sunday.

I finished the race and was still able to do it under 2 hours :-) But yes, it took a toll. Even the fireman and volunteer at the finish line could tell.  I must have looked horrible because they kept asking me if I was ok and if I needed help. lol. I did have a bit of a hard time catching my breath at first but I managed to stay on feet.  I was completely exhausted but I got my pic with the fireman, got some race goodies, and walked to the shuttle back to Union Square. I made it home, but I was physically done.  My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and my whole body ached. I had a fever the whole day.  I was on the couch the whole day. As soon as Ben got home from work, I was in bed.

So Tired! On the Bus back to Union Square.

While I was sleeping, Ben decided to call in sick to work so I could get some rest today.  I woke up at 8a worried that he was late but he told me not to worry and to get some more rest. I was still so tired that I was quickly back asleep. I woke up at 10a because I was hungry. I felt much better and my body didn’t ache. I got some food but was still tired so I went back to bed.

I finally got up at 3p – and felt great. My legs are a little sore but not as bad as I thought they would be. My glutes didn’t even feel sore which is surprising because of all those hills. I didn’t hurt my hip like I did with my first half and my ankle didn’t hurt at all. My fever hasn’t spiked all day and I am finally feeling like I’m getting over this virus.

A day like this makes me realize just how lucky I am. Sometimes I wonder how Ben and I work since we are so opposite in so many ways. But it’s times like this, I am reminded of why I love him so much. Despite his flaws, he is a good man and takes good care of our family. Every stay at home mom knows that there is no resting with kids, and I am grateful that Ben understands that. Thanks to him, I will be able to get back to my routine in no time.

It’s Been a While…

Wow! I can’t believe that it’s been so long since my last blog post. Right after my last post, I wound up getting sick :-( It took me longer than I wanted to fully recover. Then I just got busy with Life and it seemed like I never had enough time to give my blog the attention it deserved. I’ve been working hard to make time for it since I do love it. 

Here’s  a short update on what I’ve been up to the past couple months:

~ Finsihed Turbo Fire program :-) I will have a blog post on the last day and a general review of what I thought of it and how it worked for me coming soon.

~ Sneaker Head campout in Berkeley. This was such an interesting couple days.

~ Celebrated Seppe’s preschool graduation and chaperoned Gio’s End of the Year 1st Grade Picnic. I now have a kindergartner and 2nd grader :-)

~ Went to the SF Zoo for the first time with our very good friends. 6 hours of walking around can be very tiring!

~ Two camping trips – one week apart. If you follow me on Instagram (msmammamia) you can see all the beautiful sunrises I posted from our second camping trip. 

~ Completed the 5DSD: I will have a blog post that summarizes my first time with the 5DSD.

~ Started the 30DayAbChallenge with Sophie and a whole bunch of other girls :-) Follow me on Twitter @Mia_Butterfly for all my check-in videos. Follow Sophie @sophiehowl27 and Susan @stronglikesusan for the challenge info. This is such a great challenge that really work your abs!

~ Still training for my first Half Marathon. I’m up to 11.5 miles :-/ 

~ Completed Bikini Series Challenge and entered in the contest. Sadly, I wasn’t a winner of the amazing prizes, but I did win a much bigger prize :-) A body I can rock a bikini in along with the confidence to rock it and a wonderful community that supports me every day.  It’ my one year anniversary with Tone It Up!! I’ve been working on a page about my journey with them. Hoping to have it up soon. There will be lots of Before and After pics :-)

 

So I do have a lot coming :-) I’m thinking of doing a special giveaway to celebrate my 1 year of being part of the Tone It Up family. It has really changed my life and is such a big part of my life now. This past year has been absolutely amazing for me. I’ve done so many things that I never thought I could and I’ve had so much fun. Every part of my life has become better and I am truly happy. I’ve met so many wonderful people who inspire, motivate and support me. And I want to Thank those of you who have taken time to read my blog. Stay tuned for more info on the Giveaway :-)

Let me know what kind of things you’d like for the Giveaway. Going to get to bed earlier than usual so I can tackle a long run tomorrow :-)